My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
