Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
