I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
nutella sex= disaster
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Houston, we have a squirter
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
He? As in you personified your dick?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Randomize
