So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
