is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
