I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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