Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
