It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
