This is not my ceiling
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Randomize
