she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
So vagazzling was a success
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
