Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
