It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
