return my video game
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
