we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
