I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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