It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
