Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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