You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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