the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
