I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
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