it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
BRING THE BAGELS
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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