Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
