Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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