I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
