I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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