help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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