You're my little dorito
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
