I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I need to sanitize my soul.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
