I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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