I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
