just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
