I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
