UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
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