Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
