booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
