And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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