Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Randomize
