1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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