yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
