Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
