hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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