Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
