Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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