Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
