Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
