Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
