Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
No stitches, just platelets and will power
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
