so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
