She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
