Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
